2010 in Updates – Summer

April
doesn’t know what to do
will post a blog that isn’t a survey or video once she gets time to put her thoughts in order
has a list of jobs to do, but I’m feeling lazy and don’t want to do any of them
has managed to find the energy to do a surprising number of jobs. Now I just need to be bothered to go to Sainsburys
would like to think life is like a drink, and I’m hoping that it tastes like bourbon
is back from Sainsburys. I didn’t get rained on and remembered everything – that counts as a win in my book. Now to make my Saag Aloo
is painting squares on walls with tester pots, listening to tunes and waiting for Atlanta to catch up and be at a civilised time
has an exciting array of squares on the wall now, but has missed her window of opportunity for a civilised chat.
is still over excited and it’s now the 3rd time I’ve seen The Eleventh Hour. Doctor Who rules!
is off to try and sleep. Wish me luck
is still hanging round the house. Waiting. Endlessly waiting
has swung back down again. It’s worse than it was before. If I hadn’t seen such riches, I could live with being poor
is going to have a piece of cheesecake and continue IMing with the TAS
is overcome with weariness. Off to bed with me!
knows I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too
is ready for more than this – whatever it is Baby I hate days like this, Caught in a trap I can’t look back Baby I hate days like this
has just watched Jersey Girl again. I love that film

lives my life, to be with you, No-one can do the things you do
But it is us I see And I cannot believe I’m falling. That’s where I’m going, Where are you going? Hold it close won’t let this go
is not crazy, I’m just a little impaired I know, right now you don’t care
can’t see my GP until 20th April – how rubbish is that?
mmmbop dooby dooba doobop dooby do badoowop dooby doo badoo yea-eah mmmbop dooby dooba doobop dooby do badoowop dooby doo badoo
requires a cheese and salad Cream sandwich – which means I have to go out and buy bread
It went “zip” when it moved & “bop” when it stopped, & “whirr” when it stood still. I never knew just what it was & I guess I never will
is straightening her hair and planning on buying some vodka for triv at bobs tonight
is going to give up and go to bed
said a hip hop the hip the hippy to the hip hip hop you don’t stop rockin to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogedy beat
doesn’t care about the Grand National
refuses to be jigglypuff
is still not jigglypuff
is not sure that the evolution from jigglypuff to lovelypuff is an improvement
is aware that jigglypuff actually evolves into wigglytuff not lovelypuff. I still do not want to be any type of pokemon
is even less amused with jigglychog or loobypuff
has managed to get clean and dressed – it feels like an achievement when it really shouldn’t *sighs*
reached inside myself and found nothing there to ease the pressure of my ever worrying mind
didn’t need to bother getting up early as people are late which always makes me cross
is home after a fabulous afternoon. I need a bubble bath to sooth my aching body so heading for my Lush goodies
Nobody human has anything to say to me today
is off for the next round. lets see what happens this time shall we?
thinks that the whole thing is a farce
has bad enough taste in music without adding canto-pop into the mix
is going to see what I have on my skyplus box as it’s too cold upstairs
knows what’s right I got just one life in a world that keeps on pushing me around I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down
Bam ju sic lofu – apparently
is so annoyed that because I have THAT song going over and over in my head. Poxy canto-pop rubbish!
Politicians are like nappies. They need changing regularly. For the same reason.
doesn’t feel I have to wipe everyone out – just my enemies
If you wanna be profound, if you really gotta justify, take a breath and look around, a lot of folks deserve to die!
“A strange word ‘manifesto’: from the Latin ‘manifest’ (to make happen), and oh (as in “Oh; it didn’t…)
is still listening to Jacky Cheung and cursing the TAS for doing this to me
Normal people do not talk to their televisions all the time
loves a good power ballad
is back from the doctors and will be headed out to the post office as soon as I’ve wrapped my parcels
Here’s a novel idea from the Lib Dem manifesto: “Always base drugs policy on independent scientific advice”
can’t be bothered to cook the lamb she took out of the freezer earlier and any other options are very limited
loves sushi but is indifferent to jazz
is hoping for some suggestions for annoying songs to drive out “everlasting love” by Jacky Cheung. This earworm is driving me mad
There were times in my life when I was going insane Trying to walk through the pain I lost my grip and I hit the floor
Has replaced previous canto-pop earworm with the theme from Tots TV which is an improvement
I’m a tot, je suis une tot, tilly tom and tiny, we’re the tots from tots tv – un deux trois
is stuck with technology when what she really wants is stuff that works
Isn’t it enough that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairies at the bottom of it too
The world wide web is the only thing whose shortened form (www) takes 3x longer to say than what it is short for
has taken the vodka out of the freezer, put the parrot outfit in a bag for life & decided I can’t be arsed to do my hair. SRC here I come!
is getting grief I don’t deserve from my family
please send me cuddles as I need them tonight
has finally snapped. it’s not my problem any more and even in the cold light of day I’m not changing my mind
is watching the snooker. It’s very restful
really doesn’t like the new version of the Doctor Who theme
Is The Doctor holding 3 daleks at bay with a jammy dodger?
is packing. Now I just need to figure out how to get the stuff that isn’t mine back to it’s owner
You live and learn… at any rate you live
Refuses to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer
“It’s gonna be ok.”… “Yeah..because it’s not happening to you..”
is wondering if being compared to Princess Fiona is a compliment or not
loves deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by
It’s a major mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes
It’s funny how when you think life just can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does
Success is the happy feeling a man gets between the time he does something and the time he tells a woman what he did
Ignorance is not bliss you fucking buffoon. Ignorance is ignorance
There are 2 essential rules to customer service – The customer is always right & they must be punished for their arrogance
Work is for Losers. A winner says “That’s on my list” and never commits to a deadline
Language is the source of misunderstanding
is pleased my sister had a good time acting like a loon to celebrate
Actually, no. You don’t know what my life is like, so shut up.
could easily reply to every tweet with “there’s an app for that”
it might look like I’m standing motionless but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away
it is only with the heart that one can see rightly – what is essential is invisible to the naked eye
Food nearly always makes everything better – I’m currently eating the remains of last nights chicken pakoras – yummy
the painted squares have been analysed and a colour chosen. Off to B&Q for rollers etc
How can you have NO political views you cretin!
has painted the first coat, the room is VERY purple and is starting to look rather lovely
the second coat on the purple walls is done but it turns out I was right and we need more white paint
Why do people think Facebook groups work? Fuck off. They don’t. End of.
They’re, their, there. Please learn the difference and exercise your knowledge. Thank you in advance.
Painting is now finished. Well mostly. So off for a curry with new housemates
has just been informed that we are only watching one more Clangers episode & then we will be watching Lilo &Stitch instead
Marijuana? It’s harmless really unless you fashion it into a club and beat people over the head with it
is stepping away from the computer to get back to the cleaning
is cursing giving away her TV yesterday – Will have to avoid twitter til The Doctor is on iPlayer
According to Bill Bailey there’s more evil in the charts than an Al Quaeda Suggestion box
3 blind mice walk into a pub. But they’re unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative
3 men go into a pub and the whole scene unfolds with tedious inevitability
Anybody who starts a sentence with “I’m not a racist but…” is probably a racist
Meaningless Lyric – I got soul but I’m not a soldier you may as well be saying I got ham but I’m not a hamster
Life is a four letter word
just loves the randomness
Life without chocolate and alcohol is not worth living!
Take away the right to say “fuck” and you take away the right to say “fuck the government”
has just found my Thesaurus…I am so full of relief, joy and rapture.
may have to compromise my home baking principles and shuffle off to the shop – cream and jam mmmmmm
has been to the shop and there are NO scones. I have had to settle for coconut macaroons
is far too suggestible – I’ve managed to appease the scone craving with a macaroon but I may be powerless against muffins
Fussy Eater is a Euphemism for Pain in the Arse
it can’t just be me who finds the whole Andrew Lloyd Webber foot fetish thing at the end of Over the Rainbow creepy
Think about how stupid the average person is… then remember half of them are stupider than that
has certain rules I live by. My first rule I don’t believe anything my government tells me
doesn’t have pet peeves. I have major fucking hatreds – it makes the world a lot easier to sort out
He who laughs most learns best
knows at least 127 words and I still prefer fuck
thinks I’m getting a cold sore and I have no Zovirax only Abreva
There’s no such thing as bad words it’s just our morals that are fucked
There is no such thing as bad weather just the wrong clothing
is getting snuggly and using windows live to bridge the 4100 mile gap. Can’t wait for my TAS to be here
loves it when I defrost unidentified bag and it’s yummy. Nice one
is still enjoying a transatlantic snuggle. Without Skype and IM I would go crazy
has a huge itchy cold sore on my bottom lip. I look like I’ve been punched in the mouth
We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered yet Barry Manilow continues to put out albums
has just emptied the washing machine and is off to the post office
first met you hanging knickers on the line From that moment on I knew there could only be one outcome me and you against the world forever
The Beatles were so high they let Ringo sing
has just spoken to her sister. Things are moving forward
Lush Bubble Bath, Yo-yo Ma plays Ennio Morricone, glass of wine and making History by Stephen Fry. It doesn’t get much better!
is going to get my duvet and start the snuggling
is grumpy because of the time difference. But I love that I can watch snooker on iPlayer while IMing and tweeting
is an incurable romantic. I believe in hope, dreams and decency, love tenderness and kindness. I believe in mankind
is lacking both chocolate AND motivation this evening.
Should probably go to bed soon but I want to keep talking to my TAS
Every time I hear Cameron speak I feel like he is grooming me, so he can fuck me on 7th May
is going to bed soon. I hate saying goodbye even though I know I need to keep sensible hours
has just realised I’m giving myself an unrealistically optimistic impression of the nation’s opinions due to who I’m following on Twitter
is already up and dressed and is heading off to the market
only managed to get to the local shops before it started raining. I have come back to the house to change into a more sensible coat
is home from town. of course as soon as I put sensible coat on the rain stopped and the sun came out
when you’re high you can do everything you normally do just as well – you just realise it’s not worth the fucking effort
wants to open a pub and call it the Go-Go-Gadget Arms
Saying we will destroy terrorism is about as meaningful as saying we shall annihilate mocking
would have thought the prime minister could make better use of his time than driving back to Rochdale to apologise to an old biddy.
is hoping Gordon Brown will emerge from Mrs Duffy’s house and say “She’s worse than I thought.”
who’s up for snot flicking?
My school days were the happiest of my life – which should give you an indication of the misery I have endured since
has to leave now as guests are arriving for my House-cooling
House is truly cooled now. had a super night with good friends and good food.
My hair has a life of its own. last week I found it in the kitchen making an omelette
contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion
dances round the supermarket and round the office and through the high street and everywhere I go
The best cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree
Don’t you hate it when you’re out with MC Hammer and he won’t let you touch anything?
money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring a more pleasant form of misery
just wants to smack Cameron across his smug orange face – even before he opens his mouth
Don’t even know why I’m watching, I’ve already decided Nick Clegg is the messiah
Gordon. What you seem to be forgetting is… YOU HAD 13 FUCKING YEARS TO DO THIS STUFF. Now bugger off.
Cameron, us single people are JUST AS IMPORTANT as families.
Money can’t buy you friends but you do get a better class of enemy

May
moved house and is finally reconnected to the internet. 31 hours offline has to be a violation of my human rights
has finally crashed after weeks of stress. I feel all snuffly and horrible
has to check the evil FB herself now she doesn’t get a running commentary
has sickness and sadness. not a good combo.
Thinks it’s amazing how a cuddle over the internet can make you feel better
needs to locate her straightening irons. I know they’re in a box somewhere *sigh*
DavCam: “I’ll turn the UK around” I assume he means to the 50’s where sexism and homophobia were perfectly acceptable?
has tonsils the size of golf balls and a raging fever
Sure those kooky words and characters in your ‘name’ on Myspace are ‘cool’ but it makes you IMPOSSIBLE to find in search
needs to get some more hot drink to make me feel better
It worries me that those who are finally fed up with Labour have forgotten what the Tories were like before them
has unpacked 3 boxes and obviously overdone it because I’m back in bed with a fever spike
has woken up after an afternoon snooze and feels really thirsty but not as hot
is waiting to find out if the telephone call was the news we wanted
got the call and things seem to be heading in the right direction. Fingers are still crossed though
feels better but is finding it hard to get motivated today
Why is everyone saying Friday will be so grim? I’m going to party my nuts off, sew them back on and party some more.
has mopped the floor, fed the cat and is contemplating unpacking some more boxes
is getting angry about the lack of pirate costume
has never noticed before how similar Robert Mugabe’s name is to “Sugababes”. He can only dream of being as evil as they are though
is awake but dim and having some anxiety about today. Wish me luck
is leaving the house to vote and find out her fate
has been a busy hedgehog what with the voting and more nonsense from work and everything
is waiting until the polls close then heading downstairs to watch the results
What sort of website would I be? I hope I’m NSFW.
What do you mean radio 4 is unavailable! I can’t stay up watching the bloody tv all night
has solved the lack of radio on my PC issue. Time to snuggle down and listen
According to ITV, “David Cameron doesn’t like cunts much”. Either the reporter mispronounced counts or he’s just won a hell of a bet
has got a few hours sleep and woken up to the possibility of a hung parliament, looks like the BBC was right on the exit poll
But no dissing the British electorate. We delivered a resounding “We think you’re all inadequate pricks” verdict, which is fair enough.
is putting up her bed – a week after she moved in
Wow. All that New Labour crap about letting the Tories in by the back door turned out to be true. Shit.
In other good news, lots of racists lost their deposits.
has put up my four-poster bed, including the lace curtains and fairy lights – I’m a princess again
There’s a ginger man getting his hair cut!!! You’d think they’d have their own separate hairdressers so us non-gingers don’t have to see it!
can’t believe the results are still not in for my constituency
Is hoping Gordon Brown’s statement consists in its entirety of “Well, Mrs Duffy? Happy now?”
BNP have so far lost 252 deposits that’s £126,000 wasted cash
Some things in life are bad,they can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you’re chewing on life’s gristle…
Halle-bloody-lujah they’ve finally announced result for my seat – poxy Tory won
BREAKING: Conservatives to enter coalition with Lib Dem’s. Party to be known as ‘Con Dem’.
is lounging on my reassembled 4-poster bed complete with fairy lights and lace curtains enjoying my new Yankee candle
BNP spent all that money, pissed off Marmite, got humiliated on Question Time. And still… ‘Fuck Off griffin’. People are brilliant.
Me and my mate have just been fighting over which is the best vowel. I won.
has a big list of jobs to do today. Waiting for Rob so I can start to crack on with them has been to Ikea and Sainsburys, tidied room ready for the furniture, made steak and mushroom pie for dinner and is going to sit down
Yoffy lifts a finger – and a mouse is there
is going to pop the pie in the oven and get ready to watch Doctor Who and some vampires
is pleased that the internet managed to be uncrappy long enough that I could Skype the TAS. Less than a week to go
Is so pleased someone got the Fingerbobs!
is feeling the need to get her baking on today
doesn’t mind people lying and spreading rumours about me. It’s when they start spreading the truth, that’s when I’m fucked!
has banana bread and sugar biscuits in the oven but the baking bug does not seem to be appeased – what next?
is pleased her current partner in crime is back from his shooting spree – we can enjoy the baking-goodness
has to get my motivation back. TAS is here in 5 days and I still have so much unpacking to do
Alien conquest of Britain thwarted after invaders demand: ‘Take us to your leader’
has put up her new drawers from Ikea, filled them with clothes and unpacked two boxes. Getting there very slowly
can’t be bothered to go to the shop for bread so is having cereal for lunch
If telling shit jokes on twitter is illegal I’m fucked
Police are looking for an elderly Welshman in connection with repeated recorded threats of a Sex Bomb attack.
With everyone’s follower counts reset to zero, nobody now has a clear majority. We’ve got a Hung Twitter.
is feeling sleepy already
is going to continue unpacking and go food shopping today, as soon as i can be bothered to get out of bed
A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, a good friend of mine once said “ITS A TRAP”.
has spent the morning reading instead of doing jobs. Must be more productive this afternoon
Mr Cameron, you didn’t get a majority, so no matter what you may claim, you did not WIN the election.
has been food shopping, made a chilli sauce for dinner & hopes the journey up the M6 is a good one for her sister
for one welcomes our lizard overlords as long as they deliver strong and stable government
is checking the cupboards so she can serve some food that isn’t contaminated with fish sauce to a vegetarian
The Tories are about to become the most unpopular government in living memory. And that living memory includes the last Tory government.
has sent my sister away with a fully laden car and managed to not contaminate replacement dinner for the vegetarian
There is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than— no, hold on. Sorry, that’s The Lion King.
About David Cameron – Don’t you think he looks tired?
can’t hear you, so I’ll just laugh and hope it wasn’t a question.
has heard from her sister so can go to bed
will be more energetic today
is so far failing to be energetic – unless showering counts
on a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
needs to leave the house today but at the moment I am still in bed. Rubbish!
is planning a relaxing and pampering session tonight to try and calm me down a bit
The only way my work could possibly be more boring is if I actually did some of it.
is going to bed because if I go to sleep morning will come quicker. TAS lands in 10 1/2 hours. Eeeeeeeep!
is up and not obsessively checking TAS flight status (which has been delayed)
Occasionally the world shrinks to just you and someone else wrapped in each others arms and it’s perfect
is doing her jobs with assistance/hinderance from the TAS
has spoken to many estate agents today. My opinion of them hasn’t changed. Lying, smarmy bag of rat cocks that they are.
is having a lazy birthday so far
has baked 6 types of brownies and spent the rest of the day being distracted by my TAS
has cleaned up after the pirate party and is looking forward to London
Is going to take the TAS on a train down to London today
is home from a busy few days and is going to relax as soon as I have checked in online
has just introduced the TAS to Spaced. Series one down and he’s asked for series 2!
is enjoying her last day with the TAS
is fed up of explaining that it is goBsmacked not goDsmacked
said goodbye to the TAS at Manchester airport and then got on the wrong bus so it took ages to get home
may always seem to say goodbye but that don’t change my one desire – to be with you
is listening to soppy music and missing her TAS. Enough! it’s bed time!
is lurking in bed feeling sorry for myself and catching up on blogs
memo to self – it is still illegal to stab stupid people
has just re-watched ‘once more with feeling’ and remembers why she LOVES Buffy

June
and sore throat have invited their mate incredibly painful cough to join the party
sometimes pretends to be normal, but then it gets boring so I go back to being me
It’s crazy to think that something as wonderful as sex can lead to something as terrible as a child.
definitely hates the erratic internet. Deep cleansing breaths – not long now!
thought we’d got over the jiggly-puff thing… and we have. Apparently now it’s Kirby-chog! I am not amused
may not look like much but I’m pretending to be a ninja… or a jaguar I haven’t decided yet
has awesome ninja powers
Is not clumsy gravity just hates me
‘s plans for today include mostly washing, baking, sewing & shopping with a spot of bouncing thrown in for fun
has washed and sewn and washed again and bounced and will now to to the shops so I can bake
has put cake in the oven and i am now feeling too hot to do any wii fit
will put the net curtains back up tomorrow when the conservatory doesn’t feel like the surface of the sun
can hear my house mate whistling to try and get the cat in
remembers in my day Vampires used to burn in the sun, not sparkle like fucking fairies
is taking a siesta
is awake and has had a shower and is wondering what to do next
has had some lousy news. looks like I will have to do some rethinking
CAR FLAG OWNERS: Show your support and do us all a favour. Jam one into each of your fucking temples, like a pair of moronic death-antlers.
would like to point out that power tools in the garden are not acceptable before 8am on a Saturday. sleep depriving bastards
Sometimes types so fast, I cannot help but think that I am, in fact, a ninja
had a great afternoon riding through some gorgeous looking bits of the country
is miffed that it is raining and I cannot bounce. Looks like bonus Wii-fit for me
is spending Sunday hiding from the rain, watching my twitter feed, Playing Sims and skyping the TAS
is feeling itchy – damn cat has fleas
is glad I have no fingernails at the moment or I would have scratched myself red-raw – damn cat
does not want to bounce today as strange men are cutting down the trees surrounding my trampoline
seems to have survived more early morning chainsaw drama. time for some wii fit
just can’t look it’s killing me and taking control
loves passenger rage
Nice guys are ugly, hot guys are jerks, and hot nice guys are gay.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.
Is putting on a fake smile, so I don’t have to explain why your not happy.
is so SO warm
has clearly woken up in a grumpy mood. The sounds of birds singing and children playing are making me cross
must be feeling lazy I can’t even be bothered to do Myspace quizzing
is seriously bored of the fail whale
doesn’t like vampires – I’m going to take a stand and say they’re not good.
needs to get some boxes out and resume the unpacking after a few weeks of slacking
is so pleased her new fascinator has arrived for the wedding in NY
may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it
has been shopping with her house-mate. We bought clothes, shoes, cupcakes, chocolate and some beef for dinner
is bored of the poxy football already
gets it – you’re EVIL! DO we have to chat about it all day
does not believe the TAS ‘giggles like a mighty, mighty warrior’
loves the smell of desperate librarian in the morning
is waaaaay past hygienic
got so scared I threw up on Woodstock
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
Occasionally, I’m callous and strange
is not afraid of flying. I am, however, afraid of being 35,000 feet in the air and suddenly “not” flying.
is bored of ironing and i’ve still got loads left to do
!f yUh t!yp3 Lyk3 Dihs, DON’T TALK TO ME!
does love Izzard: “There is such a thing as impossible, it’s impossible to eat the Himalayas”
has trouble acting normal when she’s nervous
Relationships are like laundry. If you have not got a washing machine to put your load in, you can still get good results, doing it by hand.
can’t take this feeling any more. Drain the pressure from the swelling, this sensation’s overwhelming
is trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat
has just put Now 37 on my iPod as a salute to No Mercy!
has spent all day rebooting because of the crappy internet
used to have super powers, but then the men in white coats took them away
tried to say no to the vodka but it was 40% stronger than me
How people act to you is their karma – how you respond is yours
missed the TAS by 15 mins last night. Damn you time difference
thrills when I drill a bicuspid – It’s swell though they tell me I’m maladjusted
found just what I wanted and got so much more
knows right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
If I had a penny for every time I heard a chav use his phone to play hip hop music on the bus, I would throw it at his forehead.
is totally on ATL time – which means i’ve woken up too late to do some of my jobs
has made a birthday cake for Mike and is now getting a lift so i don’t have to worry about trains
had fun celebrating mikes birthday
is waiting for her partner in crime to wake up – i’m bored now
America spends Billions of dollars invading Iraq to steal the oil, we spill it on their lawn & they get pissed off!
Faith would totally do that. Faith was built to do that. She’s the ‘do that’ girl
is rediscovering how brill Buffy is by showing series 3 to my house-mate
is now freaking out a bit just 4 more sleeps
enjoyed the opening match on centre court
Is going to cook lamb kebabs and salad for dinner
is too hot and can’t sleep
Is a bundle of nerves and even Wimbledon isn’t making me feel better
can’t even have a bath – no poxy hot water
was loving Isner-Mahut and can’t wait to see the rest tomorrow
is having a totally shit day
Graaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhh!
loves rob – he’s a lifesaver, a sweetie, a chill-bill bear and all around good guy
had a lousy journey and is melting in the New York heat
is listening to a very animated conversation in Cantonese and I have no idea what is going on
had a really good time last night at my first Chinese wedding
has finally got her luggage back and is all melty in the heat

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